Threesomes: Loving being a unicorn

When she 1st questioned me easily’d be thinking about playing with this lady along with her heterosexual cis-male lover, I found myselfn’t wanting a three-way. I needed to explore sex with femme-presenting females.

We saw partners whom looked for thirds how many others perform, as shady and simply interested in their own benefits – because dreadful unicorn hunters.

But the woman message ended up being type, and that I realized, ‘Why not?’

I experienced no knowledge about threesomes with bi-curious lovers. I experienced only come-out a year prior as a bisexual and polyamorous woman after hiding for quite some time, and leaping from a single monogamous direct link to next.

Getting bisexual delivered the usual tags to be ‘dirty’ for appreciating men and women sexually.

Being polyamorous and doing everyday intercourse designed I was also promiscuous, maybe not mentally committed adequate, and branded a cheater before we even found for a coffee.

Becoming plus-size with a human anatomy image/eating condition just increased the emotions of inadequacy and shame for who I am.

Then when she messaged me personally, advising me she thought I was beautiful, and asking us to fulfill the girl and her lover for a drink and see how exactly we thought, we took the chance.

Two lips in place of one, four arms instead of two worshipped my body, and I all of them. And for the first-time in an exceedingly while, I thought desired, attractive, and wanted. And first and foremost, I felt like i possibly could eventually end up being me.

U

nicorn shopping
is quite
a phrase that defines
partners, generally speaking cisgender, bi-curious ones, trying to find a 3rd to become listed on them for intimate play. This
third
, appropriately called the
‘unicorn’
your observed rareness of their presence, is if at all possible a cisgender, thin, femme-presenting bisexual or bi-curious lady, one who is solitary, pleased for No Strings Attached (NSA) agreements, and additionally be sexually exclusive with the couple.

I am not a real unicorn when I’m perhaps not solitary, intimately unique, nor slender.

My primary lover phone calls me a rainicorn instead. I have found the term endearing as rainicorns (inspired by

Adventure Time

) can be bought in a myriad of tints, shapes, and personalities. We thrive on being a 3rd for partners, providing their sexual fantasies alive with no additional strings of an emotional connection. I simply take great enjoyment in-being the thing both of them desire.

Intimacy, for me, tends to be but a wonderful minute, a quick night of love without more expectations.

Anti-unicorn searching has developed from a necessity to highlight the harms a large number of bisexual cisgender and femme-presenting females experience when they’re hunted by lovers for potential three-ways. It typically encourages throuple and triad scenarios as opposed to one off sexual experiences to guarantee the rights of involved.

And I get it. how to find bisexual women are often painted as promiscuous, intimate items, intimately experimental, hyper-sexual, and believed become up for almost any and all sorts of intercourse, such as three-ways. A lot of have been maltreated from this rehearse of searching, which shouldn’t be discounted.

To be honest though, Im nearly all of those ideas. Being a unicorn is the best set in which these facets of my identity which can be consistently painted as myths about bisexual everyone is valued.

While the feminist philosopher Ann Cahill implies, to not end up being intimately objectified, such as in the case of excess fat females, is visible to be declined a sex and permission to enjoy delight, something you should that we have experienced strongly in most of my life.

Taking on this identification features enabled me to look for intimate fulfillment in another group of means, and engage my personal hyper-sexuality, instead reject it.

Im tired of people talking for my situation, assuming that I’m constantly at risk of exploitation regarding the sheer premise of my personal bisexuality and femme-presenting gender. That becoming hunted implies I am usually victim. That i need to constantly desire a-deep, passionate, and continuous relationship with several rather than some thing everyday.

W

hile our company is colored as ‘rare’, i believe there could be more women anything like me in concealing. Most likely, why would I or anyone need to arrive ahead openly as a unicorn, when message boards and so on paint unicorn hunters as ‘disgusting’ and only attempting to ‘spice upwards their particular dull or boring intercourse schedules’?

Where does that leave those who are whom enjoy becoming part of those dynamics since the hunted?

Whenever shaming these partners takes place, we’re additionally shaming the unicorns exactly who engage in these procedures. We have been producing the story by which bi-curious NSA three-ways tend to be regarded as usually inherently difficult experiences, also reinforcing the idea that women just ever before wish romantic connection, that people cannot possibly be interested in simply sex.

We need to open up area and get aware of the assortment of intimate encounters. We possibly may participate in various intimate procedures and engagements, and many of us bi-women, getting promiscuous, available to NSA three-ways, and hyper-sexual, is not a negative thing.

Neither is it an inherently bad representation of bisexuality more broadly. All things considered, it’s not the representation that is the problem, it will be the manner in which truly weaponised.

Sadly, the anti-unicorn ‘community’ does a damn fine work of pathologising me personally, and ladies like me, because we dare decide to accept components of ourselves which happen to be seen as a ‘problem’ by other people. Because we dare is ‘bad’ bisexuals.

I am a bisexual ‘rainicorn’.

And I don’t similar to becoming hunted.

I fucking like it.

Rainicorn operates in research, focusing on systems, sexuality and gender, sexual methods, and health insurance and well being. She identifies as a bisexual, cisgender, polyamorous plus-size Anglo-Celtic woman, and it is intercourse positive, kink/fetish positive, and fat positive. In her extra time, she likes decorating and creating songs, therefore the delicious delights associated with carnal underworld.

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